Johnny Tarr
by briana.schmidt1
Summary: Tiina's sister is meeting this guy she met online, and Tiina has to tag along. How will the evening end with a drinking contest and an incredibly hot barkeeper? A SuFin one-shot based on Johnny Tarr by Gaelic Storm, and Livin' Next Door To Alice, by Darby O'Gill


Tiina sighed into her coke. She wished that she didn't have to be here, but she promised her sister, Aleksandra, that she'd go with, to meet this one guy that she met over the internet. And the two idiots had hit it off. Though you wouldn't know it to look at them. Her sister was currently strangling the man, who was still managing to laugh despite it.

Tiina raised her now empty glass at the scary looking barman. As he walked over to her, Tiina was happy about the bar being there between them, despite the fact that he was cute.

"What was it, a Coke?" He asked in a very sexy voice, at least to Tiina it was, she mused as she nodded.

"Why're ya here if not to drink?" He asked, his slight accent making a shiver of desire follow the line of her spine down her back.

"Just making sure that my sister wasn't meeting a weirdo here." She replied as she nodded over at her sister, the barman's gaze following the direction of the nod.

"So that's who he was meeting." He said quietly.

"hmmn?" Tiina grunted in question. Shaking his head the barman answered quickly.

"Oh, it's just, my brother met this girl onlin', and he was seri'us eno'gh to meet her. He's the owner of this place ya know." He mentioned offhandedly.

"Wow! That's so cool!" She managed to say quietly.

"I'm Berwald, and the idi't getting choked, is mah brother Matthi's. Speak'ng of..." He trailed off as he set down her coke, and went to go pry Tiina's sister off of his brother, leaving her alone and wishing that he didn't go.

Normally one doesn't go to a bar and not have a drink. However Tiina didn't like going to bars, when she didn't want to drink, and she didn't want to drink all the time. She had a high tolerance for it, but still, she didn't like who she became when she was even the slightest bit tipsy. Not only was she a flirty drunk, but she was an aggressive flirty drunk.

With a sigh she finished her coke, when the door crashed open. A large man walked in with brown, curling hair that seemed to melt into a matching, scraggly beard. She didn't notice much else besides that, because he yelled in a loud, booming voice.

"I've cum ta drink tha place dry" he announced with an Irish accent, as he sauntered up to the counter, right beside Tiina. With a grin in her direction, he eyed her drink a little bit less than he eyed her.

"What are ya drinkin' darlin'?" He asked, still loud, still Irish.

"A Coke." She replied evenly. Causing him to laugh.

"Are ya Finnish?" He questioned. At her nod, he barked out laughter.

"Ah knew it! Finn's are lightweights!" He laughed again, stopping only at the deadly glare in Tiina's eyes. In the ensuing quiet, Tiina could hear the muttered, "Oh hell no." Of her sister, as she moved her new boyfriend away from the bar.

That alone sparked Tiina into action.

"Well then," she managed to say in a normal inside voice. "Let's play a little game shall we? The first round, you choose our drinks, the second round, I choose, and so on and so forth, until one of us quits, passes out, or doesn't drink all of their drink." He nodded.

"Sounds 'bout right ta me lassie." He winked. Signaling Berwald, he ordered two large whiskeys. They both downed the alcohol rather quickly. This time, Tiina ordered vodka shots, the strongest.  
Again, the two downed them faster than superman.  
A few more rounds, and Tiina ordered water.

"Oi, lassie! What are ya thinking of! This is a serious competition, ya can't be ordering water!" Tiina peeked up at Johnny slyly, from under her bangs.

"Oh, and are you going to back out now, and we'd just gotten started too." He grinned at her.

"No way lassie! Ya got us water, and I will drink it." He said before picking up the glass. And they both downed the water as if they were really thirsty people  
This pattern went on for a bit. Every six or seven rounds, Tiina would be ordering water, get an increasingly snarling earful from the Irish man, until, he drunkenly ordered a boot* with a bit of everything mixed inside.

"Here i'tis lassie, whoever finishes this first and can stand upright, will win." Tiina nodded drunkenly, as Berwald tried to cut her off.

"Okej, I think you're done for the night."

"I'm not done. I'm still outdrinking this sucker."

"But what about when you go home?"  
At this she raised an eyebrow, "What about it?"  
"Ya won't be able to drive." This caused her to laugh out loud,  
"Aww! You're worried about me!" She gave him a once over, "Still, you might be my ride home." Giving his genital area a really long look, "To which home though, that is the question." With that, Berwald just sighed, and went to make the drinks.

When the boots were in front of them, Berwald sat back to enjoy the show. Starting off, Tiina and this Johnny Tarr, were about neck and neck. Then Tiina slowly pulled ahead.  
That's when the lights went out. Berwald could. Hear a sputter, a short mumbled 'I give', and subsequential crashing to the floor. Really hoping that the it wasn't Tiina, he reached for the flashlight under the bar, and flicked it on, and stared in disbelief. Not only was Tiina still sitting upright, but she was almost done, and the area in front of her was dry. Wondering how she was able to drink so much, he glanced at her face, just as the lights came back on. He couldn't believe it! She was drinking with her eyes closed! Finished, she sat up and held the glass boot upside down over the bar. And everyone cheered.  
Looking up at Berwald, she leaned over the counter to give him a big smacker on the lips. He didn't mind so much, nor did he mind when she pulled her hand down his chest to his stomach. What he did mind was the hand that suddenly went from his stomach to cup his groin in as fierce, possessive display. Pulling his head back from the heavenly lips, to stare at her in shock. He watched as she licked her top lip in desire, as she all but purred the word 'mine'. Shivering from desire, he followed her as he pushed her to the above the bar apartments, that he shared with his brother.

"And the coroner, who showed up, said that it wasn't alcohol poisoning, Mr. Tarr died of thirst!" Eiríka exclaimed for the amusement of her nieces and nephews, and her boyfriend, Leon, who promptly snorted in disbelief.

"I don't believe that. And how would you know? You were only seven at the time?" Said boyfriend stated, making his disbelief vocal.

"Well you shouldn't believe me, as I was not there, so thanks for pointing that out, but talk to the person behind me." She said pointing her thumb at Peter, Bella, Tino, and Laura's dad Berwald. "He's the one who was there, and he swears it's true." Making the taller man flush with embarrassment. Soon his kid's, and nephews, Lukas, and Emil were crowded around him, asking if it was true.  
Muttering only 'Eiríka shouldn't 've told yah tha story yet.', before adding in a somewhat louder voice, "All but the coron'r bit."

As Eiríka watched the scene deep in thought, she failed to notice her boyfriend sneaking up behind her, so it was a surprise to her when Leon started speaking in her ear.

"You should be a storyteller." He said softly in her ear, making her jump a little.

"Dammit Leon! I told you not to do that!" She shrieked.

"Naw calm yerself lassie, tha boy was doin na harm." A new voice rumbled. Turning, she saw...

"Uncle Johnny!" She cried running into the forty year old man, who caught her in a huge bear hug.

"Hello thar me gurl. And has tha boyo been a treatin' ya like he should?"

"Yea, cause we'll kick his ass and ship him off to Beijing, if he's not." Interjected her sister's boyfriend, now husband, Matthias. Sitting next to him, by the bar that now belonged to the entire family, (as opposed to just Berwald and Matthias), was Erika's sister Aleksandra.

Turning back to 'Uncle Johnny', she asked him what he'd been up to since she last saw him.

"Oh ya know, living large, drinking bars dry, oh! And for the last twenty four years, I've been livin' next door to Alice." He mentioned the last part somewhat sheepishly. Everyone else took a huge, deep breath and yelled.  
"Alice! Who the fuck is Alice!?"


End file.
